Coaching for Strategy Definition and Execution

Over the years as a strategic advisor, I have taught many executives how to create a clear vision and focus on that vision so that they can bring it to life. In my coaching sessions I often observe that my clients have a lot of passion for the thing they wish to create; however they are unclear about how to give birth to this creation. Whether it is starting a new business or renovating the kitchen I often observe the same behavior. During the session, we spend time on translating their passion into a vision and then develop together a strategy to make that vision a reality. Therefore, coaching involves not only how to give birth; but also how to become pregnant, how to nourish themselves during gestation, and prepare for birth as well as postpartum….

Clarifying vision is a significant effort! I engage skillful coaching questions to help clients to see what they are passionate about and how that passion relates to their objective. Often the passion and objectives are muddled; or there is only one of them present. Either one of them by itself will result in an unhealthy birth and cannot survive long.  Once we clarify the passion and objectives; we then start to form the vision that builds a bridge between these two.

I would also like to note that clarifying the vision and setting the strategy are two different skills. The first one requires a coach-like approach to get it out of the people.  The second one requires consulting skills to help them design it. I enjoy doing both and have helped develop many strategies that have come to life over my many years as a Coach and Master Black Belt.  To clarify the second part, I include a form that I use during these sessions to bring a new product or service forward. I often give the form to the client as homework and ask them to think it through. This is similar to the Appreciative Inquiry technique that is used in coaching. I ask client to reflect prior to the session, and then walk through the content with them while engaging them in a coaching conversation.

Another key aspect to keep in mind for strategy definition and execution sessions is for the client to be ready for change to occur. This part is often overlooked. Regardless of how passionate they might be for the new; they will go through the grievance process for the old.  When this is not done properly, it hinders the process tremendously…

Complementary Strategy Definition Form

 

Tijen Genco, PCC, MS, MBB

Genco Coaching

Executive and Life Coach

Growing through loss

When I heard the news of my friend’s son passing, it brought back the memories of the loss I have experienced two years prior. I remembered the horror, the desperation, feeling of everything being unfair, and helplessness… I could relate to her loss as an aunt who lost her nephew but I would never know how it might be for her as a mother. I went back to that deep emotional place and traced my steps back from the depth of the Ocean of Grievance towards the surface. During my experience, I managed to find my way up to the surface and learned to breathe again but I knew that I was no longer the person I was prior to the grief. I made a conscious decision at that moment to create a safe space without shame or guilt for her live through her own sadness. I did not to try to make her feel better. That was not the time. I knew that when you experience such a loss, the need is not to have someone to make you feel better but just to understand the depth and the dimension of the grief that you are going through…

I have done many grievance and transition coaching since then. I became very fluent in speaking grief and skilled to help people swim up the surface from the depths of the Ocean of Grief.

Tomorrow, we will celebrate Mother’s Day in the most countries around the world. I decided to offer this piece to all mothers and women who are experiencing grief relates to the motherhood. While some of the women have chosen to experience the motherhood in the terms of “normalcy and as expected” by defined through the cultures around the world, some of the women are contributing to the concept of motherhood by encountering inability to conceive or to carry the babies, or having to face with death of the child sometime after the birth.

If I could somehow elevate the ones who are having such difficult experiences, up to the level of perception that reveals our efforts towards writing human history and our evolution, then one can understand that each and every act we do in this life is contributing to that history. If all of us have chosen to have the same experiences then we will miss the whole definition of the concept. In order to understand something fully we need to relate to it in every aspect and through every emotion, joy, happiness, bliss, grief, sadness and all. Therefore as hard as it is, some of us do need to teach the others how it is to lose a child or never being able to bare one. From that perspective healing can begin…

During the grievance coaching I often offer two main things, one is to learn to have respect to the choices of other human beings, regardless of what they are and on the surface whether they look like a choice or not such as having a terminal illness. And the second one is to understand the experience from the altitude of heaven not from the farsighted experience of life. Because there are some things look very different when one gets up to that high altitude. I also offer a lot of safe space for the client to experience the feelings of shame, helplessness, guilt and whatever is raising the surface until they fulfill their purpose in one’s growth.

Today, as part of my offering with this blog, I wanted to offer these techniques who are enduring the grief related to motherhood. My prayer is to offer some relief to those who are growing through grief as it is one of the most challenging one to my experience.

May your Mother’s day be blessed, enriched and filled with love no matter what your relationship to concept of the motherhood is.

Namaste,

PS: I am offering special price for Grievance Coaching 5 Pack to honor Mother’s Day until June 15, 2015. During the Grievance Coaching Sessions we will discuss the object of grief, how it relates to your life and how it serves to your growth. In addition we will discuss how you learn to relate to your life after such a major loss as a brand new person.

Tijen Genco, PCC, MS, MBB

Genco Coaching

Executive and Life Coach

Trapeze Experience

I said to my client whileMarch04_01 during our coaching session that this feels like my trapeze experience….A couple years ago, I was in a resort and they had trapeze. I was watching people do it since I am afraid of heights. Someone on the line said, why don’t you come and try with us. I said I am afraid of heights. He said who cares. Where else are you going to get this experience, try it…He continued to say, I am a lawyer, I never do risky things, if I am doing it, you need to give it a try…And I did.

Let me explain the experience for those of you who never tried it. You climb on a rope ladder to stand on a tiny step. Before that, I was ready to go back down while climbing up to it, but I could not do it as they were other people behind me on the rope ladder!! Anyhow I managed to get to that step. The instructor was holding me, I was also roped and all, it is safe but my mind does not care about those at all. At that point I cannotMarch04_012t convince myself with anything due to the magnitude of fear…After that step, they send you the swing for you to let go of holding the edges of the rope ladder lean into the space to catch the swing so you can jump…That was the scariest thing ever for me…First of all, like that lawyer, I do not like taking risks, I like my environment to be something I can have control over. Secondly, I do not like heights…And thirdly it is hard for me to let go. When I make changes, I like to keep one foot in the new, and the other one in the old so I can take my other foot and the other leg when I am ready…That’s why I practice yoga so I can stretch long. J

In this experience, you really need to let go of all your safety nets, let go of known, jump into what is coming towards you, and I did not like that at all…It required complete trust and faith in what was coming to you…I had no other options to jump as I said, since other people were behind me. So I somehow managed to do it. And I tell you, once I did, I didn’t want to get off that swing. It felt weightless, so free, fun and most importantly so much in alignment with who I was at that moment not who I knew to be.

Once I shared this story with my client she was able to relate to her experience with the new eyes. When we are face with major life changes and realignment requests from our soul it feels scary, so disconnected from how we know ourselves to be and it is often we don’t want to climb that rope, but somehow we find ourselves on it. We could not go back, and at the same time we do not want to jump into this unknown thing…As a mater of fact, some of us do chose to stat on that bench and never jump into the new and wondering the rest of their lives how it would be like to jump…

I am noticing that many of us having this trapeze experience last couple of years not only among my friends and family but also on my clients…Know that you are not alone on this one…It feels very hard but remember very fun and freeing at the same time while you learn to let go of your needing to control things. While you start to make progress on letting go, releasing the fear (see my blog Exorcism, the choice between fear and faith) and replacing it with the faith that creates space for the possibilities so that through the new engagement style you start giving birth to new you. And you start enjoying the new outcomes. They feel more loving, effortless, caring, joyful and most importantly much more in alignment with who you are in this vey moment in your life.

During transition coaching sessions, I explore with my clients to understand how would it be like allow themselves to have the trapeze experience by designing mini jumps to explore the new part of themselves that is not ye developed….I recommend you to do the same. In fact, if you have a place that you literally can take a trapeze class like I did, do that. Because it does help you to learn to let go and trust…If you don’t have a place to try it out, then create some small letting go and trusting experiences for you and see what happens. This could be following your team mate’s new idea, taking a new road while driving, going to a new grocery store or whatever, just be little bit more free…As you become more comfortable you can design larger experiences…See where that takes you…

May you fun as much fun as I did on your trapeze experiences…May you learn to let go of the fear and dance with the unknown with harmony and grace…

Namaste,

Tijen Genco, PCC, MS, MBB

Genco Coaching

Executive and Life Coach

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Choosing not looking forward to…

It has been a while the phrase of “looking forward to” is pondering in my mind. I am realizing how much that is being used in the Western Cultures and how much it impacts one’s ability to stay in the present. Whenever we have an event that is planned and we feel joyous about, we start to day dream about it. When that happens our energy is then shifted to that timeframe that doesn’t exist. We do this especially if the present is not as joyful.

I often ask my clients during the sessions how much of their energy is in the present. They reflect and come back with the answer between 20-30%. Most of our energies are sent to the past, or future to look over the events that is either already passed and we cannot do anything about it other than shifting our perspective of the past, or to the future for the stuff doesn’t even exist yet. There are so many teachings and books already out there that teaches the importance of the now. As now is the only moment we can insert our creative forces, our breath to make the difference. Therefore I will not be teaching about that here. I will list some references in the end. Rather I would like to speak more about the importance of self-abandonment with the act of not being in the moment.

Colette Baron-Reid calls living anytime other than now “living in the Ghost Lands”. As a coach, I like that metaphor. That gives a great image of the act, whether that Ghost Land is the land of Jamaica you will be vacation in three months from now or the land of your childhood where your Mother was not nice enough for you based on the perspective you hold at the moment. No matter what Ghost Land living you are engaged in, you know that “the land of the now” requires you to be is right here, right now. This Ghost Land living actually is very costly in many ways and not very helpful since you will never be accepted as an expat there… And I tell you, even if you did, that is nothing you wish to participate!!!

So then how do you exit from the act of Ghost Land living practice? I would offer you the question I ask to my clients often, what makes you want to immigrate to the Ghost Lands? Figure that out. No matter how unpleasant you feel that your relationship to the present moment is, it is still the only “real” existence that there is. So come back and occupy your body, every cell of it until your last breath. That will be the time to abandon your body and your reality, not now. Come and visit the now and understand what makes the Ghost Lands so appealing for you. Once you figure that out then the healing and your willingness to participate in your life increases.

Today, my offer for awareness to you is that catch yourselves when you use the phrase of “I am (very much) looking forward to…” and see if you really mean it. If so how willing are you to call you back. And find a fun way to explain your friends and family why you started to choose “not looking forward to…” being with themJ But just BE-ing with them…

May you find tremendous amount of love for you to come and meet with you here and now. May you be courageous and curious enough to come back and occupy your “now” and your body fully.

References: Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, Tara Brach Insight Meditation Center

With love and blessings,

Tijen Genco

Self-authentication

We often are interested in authentication for the things that are precious to us such as antiques, art, jewelry; designer items, etc. however, never think to authenticate our most precious thing, ourselves…

Today I decided to introduce this new concept for your awareness. On my other blogs I spoke about social and cultural influences on our being as well as our subconscious. It is not a surprise to anyone of you to see yourself behaving like one of your family member although you think you are very different than them. Or to feel the pressure to behave in a certain way due to cultural doctrines, despite the fact it doesn’t feel right or good for you. In those moments you are exercising your free will towards self-invalidation. When you chose to behave in a way that is not representing your truth, you are falsifying yourself, and giving your power away to someone else or collective psyche of a social group. There are so many examples of this out there and fashion is a very easy one to point out. When you chose to ignore your own taste to fit in and follow what someone else says true for the season, then you are giving your power away to the fashion industry to manage it for you while falsifying yourself, your own truth.

Each time you chose to behave in such a way, you are then weakening your own power. In the Yogic tradition, it is 3rd chakra where our personal will reside. The more you give in and falsify you, weaker you get to follow your own will. And angrier you get as your system knows what is true for you. The source of a lot of depression cases can be found in this type of self-falsification and one’s inability to hold on to their truth.

How can one come back to one’s own power then and re-authenticate one’s self? You may think that all those people doing crunches like crazy bunch at the Gyms to have a six pack found the solution. That cannot be further from the truth. I find most of the exercises out there are being imposed upon people are useless. Exercising industry turned into a fashion-like industry at least in the US. People are keep coming up with something new and useless to make more money on. Most of the exercises are leading people building superficial muscles towards the exterior of the body while weakening and tightening inside. What I recommend is endurance, which is flexibility with strength. That is the key. So you could start building your powerhouse, your 3rd chakra back by engaging exercises such as plank, boat, pushups that build strength within. As the tissue you need to strengthen starts from the pubic bone, connects to belly button and to the heart center. You can see how this dynamic eventually closes your heart to you and diminishes your ability to love yourself.

Along the side of such exercises, I recommend a reflective time to notice where in your body that breath is not flowing through. Your breath, as I mentioned in my other blogs, is one of your major guide. Where breath cannot go through (I call this breath-unable places within the body), there is a falsehood that needs to be resolved and released so that your higher- self, your soul and divine can come to and through you.

As you create awareness about where you hold the tension, you will also start to understand in what circumstances, situations, and towards who you give your power to. This part requires change in the behavior headed for honoring one’s self and you may need a guide, a mentor or a coach to support you while you are choosing differently, especially if you haven’t done this kind of a work before or get to the intimacy with yourself before.

As you learn to honor, re-authenticate yourself and clear your body as well as your consciousness out of the falsifications and untruth, you will move towards more blissful, joyous and self-reverent life.

May you always and all ways understand and honor your true North. May you find strength within to express your truth with love. May you are able to dismiss the falsification and untruth offerings with grace, dignity, compassion, peace and harmony.

PS: I am offering special for self-empowerment 5-sessions pack for who is connecting me and mentioning this blog. Offer expires May 30, 2015. These sessions are structured to explore where you go against yourself and your truth, how and which circumstances you give your power away. During the sessions you will obtain clarity on your behavioral patterns and then will have a choice to make a change. I will utilize coaching questions, guided meditations, breathing techniques, occasional yoga postures and some other techniques for this particular series.

Tijen

Coaching for conflict resolution

I spoke about the challenging conflicts in one’s life, and tendencies and triggers that initiate them in my Propensity blog (http://yoginiteachings.wordpress.com/2014/10/12/propensity/). When a client presents a situation where there is a conflict and inclination for them to respond in a certain way; it is helpful to provide them a different perspective from the one that they have considering that we often develop farsighted vision while having the experience.

There are ways one might consider during the coaching conversation for conflict resolution. The most basic level one is to coach the individual specific to the situation around their responses. This is often demonstrated in the entry levels into the coaching and often the actions come up during the conversation are related to activities to be performed where client choses one way over the other in their responses towards the resolution of the issue outwardly. My experience revealed to me that these conversations often go in a direction towards how client can be more defensive around the conflict and how they can manage the conflict towards a win-win.

One of the deeper approaches to the situation is to invite client to reflect internally to understand what the root of the propensity is within. Where else the client is having similar conflicts in their life and to have the conversation around that. This requires more profound understanding of emotions and beliefs for the coach to guide the client through their experience. In this scenario client’s emotions and beliefs are explored for specific propensities and their response to processing them.

The final way I will present here is requires a bit of a self-reflection and spiritual advancement work at the coach’s end in order for them to take the client into such depths in their spiritual development. It is said that one cannot coach someone who is spiritually more advanced than them. By spiritually, I am not speaking about religious acts, rather one’s deeper understanding of their journey as a soul. In this conversation, the coach invites client to understand where the client is in their developmental process as a soul. The inquiries employed in such conversations will seek to understand what is the client learning in this life with the propensities they employed as a tool for such learning; how are the propensities creating certain conflicts and events for them to heal through and learn…

Of course it is always important to remember staying with the client, respect to their choices for exploration and resolution.

With joy and grace,

Tijen Genco, PCC, MS, MBB

Executive and Life Coach

How to enable change

Clearly defining a vision around something desired, setting a strategy around it and successfully executing that strategy towards the outcome are often skills that most people struggle with. As a strategic advisor I taught many executives over the years how to create clear vision and how to focus on that vision so that they can bring the vision into life. What I have observed over the years is that there is time and again a lack of clear vision and that leads to failed efforts, frustration and losses. It takes significant effort to clarify one’s vision. Along the side of ambiguity around the vision, there is also lack of strategy about how to execute the vision. Clarifying the vision, setting the strategy and executing that strategy are three different skills. The first one requires a coach like approach to get it out of the people; the second one requires consulting skills to help them design and the third one requires project management skills for successful execution.

As I saw in the corporate world, I often see that lot of life coaching clients struggle to bring anew in their life due to lack of vision and lack of strategy. My friends are often in awe seeing how fast I implement changes into my life. Yes, it takes clear vision, clear strategy and ability to execute; it also takes a lot of energy for one to enable the change. Today, I will focus on the last part and how to reclaim your energy in order to bring anew into one’s life.

It is often overlooked that the how much your energy is divided by the things one has and activities one is part of. We don’t realize how much of our energy invested in the things, activities and people. This behavior spreads out energy thin as of a river with many beds…The things we have accumulated over the years and activities we take part of has a big impact on what we wish to create when we wish to make a change. The material and activity overload impact one’s ability to set a clear vision. It is harder to imagine a new when one’s spending big part of their energy in their old vision. This is one of the reasons people often cannot implement changes in their life.

Once you grew out of the vision that created your current life, it requires reassessing both the objects you own and the activities you are part of, and eliminating the things that are not in line with the new vision. Therefore purging becomes a key for a successful vision setting as well as strategy execution in order for someone to focus on their energies.

In American culture self-worth is very much associated with the busy-ness of the human being. The distorted belief is that, if you are not busy, you must not be that important…Our self-worth has nothing to do with our busy-ness or any things else. We are worthy, just by our existence…This distorted belief often trips people when they are trying to do activity purge.

Today, I would like to bring awareness into this area of your life… Where in your life your energy is spreading over? What are your energetic investments and what is your return? What is the ROI (Return on Investment)? What is the yield? What was your vision when you started investing your energy, your breath on these things? What is your vision now? How are these investments in alignment with your current vision? How will you close the gap in your energetic investments? Which river beds require diverting? Where do you need to accept the loss and move on? What are your most profitable ones, and how do you shift your focus onto them more?

With joy and grace,

Tijen Genco, PCC, MS, MBB

Executive and Life Coach