I spent a big part of my career speaking to people who are feeling discomfort in expressing some part of themselves with the fear of being misunderstood or excluded from the tribes that they are part of. This is a concept I am quite familiar with as I worked on integrating every part of me into my self-expression and supported many of my clients and students to do the same. It took conscious effort to develop confidence and obtain a skill set that enables the level of comfort that I have now.
We all have something that we hide inside our closet and do not feel comfortable expressing or exposing that part of us. That results in living with the tightness, pressure, sadness, and anger about that. As a somatic coach, I can say that when you want to get to the heart’s energy, you need to work on opening your hips. It is because fears about who we are and how we connect to our tribe often reside there. If you do yoga with awareness of the fascia connections, you will see that many fibers stem from the pelvic floor and connect to the rib cage and the heart center. When the hips and pelvis are tight, these fibers pull the frontal body down, creating tightness in the heart center. Furthermore, according to Traditional Chinese Medicine, the liver is the organ that stores anger and rage once it is generated inside the body. When we do not honor ourselves and get upset about not being authentic and not feeling OK to be who we are, then liver overheats with the tone of emotions of self-direct anger as well as anger directed to others for not accepting us. The liver sits in the heart center as well.
Since we know that life inside the closet is not as fun, healthy, or helpful for any one of us, how do we get out? My observations over the years with myself and with my clients are that a couple of things seem like they are impacting us to come out of the closet. One is feeling safe about who we are. If we grow up in a judgmental environment, it becomes harder to express ourselves freely as we learn to create safety for ourselves by hiding “unacceptable parts of ourselves” from outsiders. This is how we learn to create a sense of protection early on.
Seeking external acceptance and approval keeps us inside the closet until the approving authority, such as our parents, work, or spiritual organization, gives us a ticket to come out and play. This means that we get into the dynamic of handing our power on a golden platter to some external source and constantly begging them to give it back to us. Achieving some sort of maturity with age or through life experiences, skill level, title, or whatever it might be tells our psyche that it ensures maturity to respond to the environment when our authentic self-expression is not valued or appreciated; we remain inside the closet.
Until we decide to get out of this dynamic, it will remain the same, and we will stay in the closet. When we decide to empower ourselves and take that power from that source back, then there is no reason to hide anymore. That empowerment resets the whole system. The liver releases the anger, the hips and the pelvis let go of the fear, and the heart opens. So, you see, for us to get to the heart and love ourselves and others better, we need to get out of the closet; otherwise, we cannot love unconditionally either. The very behavior that was making us hide becomes our unique self-expression.
In the traditional Eastern methods, body and mind are called body-mind. Hence, if you cannot convince your mind, reach it through your body. Some opening exercises for the pelvis and the hips may be one way to reach the mind through the body. Somatic, neurological, and Transcendental Coaching might be beneficial for the mind and the nervous system, along with some self-reflection to understand what conditions you set for yourself that will give you the OK to get your power back and get out of the closet. Figure out how okay that part is for you that is hiding inside the closet and how much compassion and appreciation you have for that part.
Marty Seligman has a method he explains in his book Learned Optimism as a self-convincing argument. You negotiate with the voice in your head to see how valid the points are.
And, of course, when the fears are present in the lower energy centers, they impact our ability to feel grounded. The Eastern Healing Traditions recommend eating foods grown underground or just above it.
I would like to send my prayers along the way of being in the open today. May you generate self-love, self-appreciation, and self-courage that enable you to express yourself freely, knowing that you have the courage to be authentically you regardless of the conditions presented by the outside environments. May you find support, compassion, love, and care as you take your journey towards shining your brilliance. May you come out of the closet so that we all can appreciate the unique shine that is the signature of your being.
With love and appreciation of all your uniqueness,
Tijen